Hazel

Twenty-two-year-old Hazel knows what it’s like to struggle with an eating disorder, having suffered from anorexia before her family encouraged her to get help.  Over two years later Hazel is using her own experience to encourage other young people to get support.

Hazel said: “I suffered from anorexia between the ages of 15 and 20. There wasn’t a specific catalyst for this, it was probably a combination of things that contributed, like being a perfectionist, my grandma passing away and not having that many close friends at the time. I also have a twin and I was bigger than my sister.”

Reflecting further, Hazel continued: “I was thinking about eating healthier before I started to properly struggle with my eating. Then for Christmas I received workout clothes and a DVD because I was really into aerobics at the time. Then for months after Christmas I would do aerobics every single day, so I lost loads of weight just from that. Then it just crept its way in.

“My family were concerned and thought I was too thin; we went to the doctor who was also concerned about my weight.  My mum suggested there was evidence I wasn’t eating enough.  For example, I wouldn’t have snacks anymore, that was one of the first things I took out and I wouldn’t join in with dessert after dinner, which was something me and my family previously enjoyed together.  I guess the main indicator for my family was that they questioned why I had to do aerobics every day.  I’d get really upset with them if they wouldn’t let me do it.”

At her lowest weight, Hazel did not perceive herself to have an eating disorder. Elaborating further Hazel explained: “I always felt fat and hated my body. Even if I was small I didn’t feel like I was small enough for an eating disorder. I also found myself looking on social media platforms at other people who were really thin.  I’d see them as looking anorexic, but I couldn’t see that I looked really thin. So, then I thought the weighing scales were wrong and not giving an accurate weight.

“When I first went to Child and Adolescent Mental Health services (CAMHS) I hated it and thought everyone was against me, as I couldn’t see anything wrong with me.  But then over time I realised they had good intentions and I found seeing Dr Nicky Dawson really helpful.  I realised it was the right thing to do. I would go with my mum and it would be me, my mum and Nicky and I felt comfortable enough to trust her.”

Commenting on what the eating disorder took away from her, Hazel said: “I didn’t socialise at all because everything was centred around whether there would be a mealtime involved.  I also didn’t want to go outside as I was always cold, and I wouldn’t want to go anywhere where there was food involved as I might have to eat something I wasn’t comfortable with, or if I didn’t eat it, it would draw attention to me. It just made everything hard work as everything was about food; I couldn’t see anything else and I couldn’t have normal friendships. You also upset your family all the time because no matter how much love they give you; you just can’t see they’re trying to help.  When you’re in the depths of anorexia you can be horrible and say things you don’t mean, as it makes you really irrational.”

On overcoming the eating disorder, Hazel said: “I feel very proud. I feel like I got really good care from the service and have benefitted from it so much. I think I would have been lost without it. I’d love everyone to have the positive experience I had because they definitely can. I’d like to encourage other people who may be going through something similar to seek help. It might feel like such hard work to persuade yourself to eat and make progress but then eventually you’ll just do it; it will become normal and you will feel so much better.  People may feel uncomfortable when they think about gaining weight, but when it happens, you don’t, because you learn to love yourself in so many other ways. You learn to appreciate food rather than seeing it as something negative, you can see it as something wonderful that you’re putting into your body.”

Hazel has tackled the issue and come through the other side; she’s at the University of Leeds, studying for a degree in Environmental Sciences and has a bright future ahead of her.   Hazel also works as a student ambassador at the university and says: “It makes me really proud as I used to be really shy and didn’t like to talk, but now I deliver talks at uni and at schools,” adding: “I really like to do things to help other people and if I know someone is struggling with an eating disorder I try and encourage them to have a better relationship with food.”